So Truly Grateful

When something comes along and turns your life upside down, something which is stressful, heartbreaking, life changing perhaps, it's easy to be caught up in all the emotions of grief, anger, despair, but if instead you are able to breathe, keep your head high, get support and take help when offered, then chances are, you will get through it and perhaps even come out the other end much stronger.  That's just what has happened to us.

Despite the fact our family went through hell for 18 months (a hell which does not need to be published on line), we have so much to be grateful for.

Firstly, we remained strong as a family unit and have come out the other side even stronger.  Even our extended family bond is stronger.   I'm sure many families who didn't have such a strong bond might nearly have been torn apart going through a similar situation.  We marveled at just how strong and resilient our children were and how they handled the whole situation in a mature manner.

We are super grateful for the support of our massive extended family and so many of our friends, both locally, around the country and even overseas (some of whom knew both parties in our issue) which has been phenomenal and unwavering. It has been amazing the level of support we have had from so many people, even those who heard about it 2^nd and 3^rd hand and still offered support and continue to check in on us. Bless you all!

Grateful for the surprising amount of support from the kids schools. The Intermediate and Colllege were both very supportive in the initial stages of everything, then once both kids were at the college, they certainly went way and beyond anything we could have expected in supporting the kids and us as a family. Funny how things work out, as we had never intended to inform the college of the situation, but our hand was forced by the actions of the other party on day 1 of the school year 2014. The principal, deputy principal, deans and several teachers have been outstanding throughout the entire thing and continue to have an open dialogue with us, as we work through some residual issues, although those are lessening every week and great progress has been made in leaps and bounds.  In fact a total turnaround, almost to the way things were prior to Dec 2008 – according to the counselor, it's because it's all out in the open and is being dealt with – another thing to be grateful for.

The amazing support from Government organisations – these can sometimes be difficult to deal with, but we have had the most amazing experience with 3 government organisations in particular, as well as agencies that work for, or on behalf of them, who have worked with our family. There are some pretty amazing individuals out there.

Whilst the Police didn't get the end result they were aiming for, we were assured that coming forward was the right thing to do, even if only to help prevent someone else going through the same thing. We were told up front that in the justice system, many guilty parties get off, because the defence do not have to prove their innocence, rather the prosecution have to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt and without forensic evidence, this can often be very hard to do. It was pointed out to us that a verdict of Not Guilty, does not always mean innocent, it just means there was insufficient evidence to prove it. We totally get this and the fact that a member of the other family had to lie on the witness stand (much to my daughter's disgust, who knew otherwise) and didn't even do a very good job of it (according to my husband's dad - who was watching via CCTV and is an ex detective from Auckland CIB, the policeman in charge and the crown lawyer), showed us that they knew the truth as well, That coupled with the fact that 2 complaints from parents of children who went to my kids camp in 2010 came in a few weeks after the final court session, (advising they had just become aware of some inappropriate behaviour by the male leader at camp), confirmed for us everything we already knew to be true! Thankfully the complaints were nothing serious enough to warrant police involvement (and I am hoping it is only those 2 isolated cases), but I still did make mention of it to the Police. I also apologised from a business point of view to the parents, outlined our experience to them and advised them that if they wished to make it a formal complaint, to pop it in writing, so it could be held on file.

Since then, we have received a lovely letter from the Police advising they are now closing the file and moving it to permanent archives, but outlining that they maintain our side of events to be true and accurate and that we should keep the letter for future use, should it be necessary for reference at any point in time. So thankful we had such an amazing detective to work with.

Thankful for the advocate we were assigned after the court case, who worked with us to ensure ongoing support (which has been approved) would be provided and also advised us we would be eligible for compensation. This was absolutely the last thing on our minds as we have never felt monetary compensation makes up for these sorts of things. Definitely not something we would ever have gone seeking, but were advised to pursue it, as the funds could be used however we deemed most appropriate. Again funny how things turn out, as we had tried to refinance our mortgage completely but were unsuccessful due to our low 'on paper' income from self employment, together with a few too many debts we had. The bank however had said yes to a small loan for a new car - presumably so I could keep working?-lol. Anyway, as it now turns out, (despite our feelings towards compensation), we now have the new car, all other debts are paid off and now our mortgage is $150 less per fortnight than it was. It doesn't change what's happened, or make it better, and we still need to be careful with money, but we are in the best financial position we have been in for many years and this has allowed us to relax just a little, start renovations on the house, and purchase some stuff for the kids. We are tremendously thankful for the way things turned out on this front.

So I guess even the darkest of dark clouds can have a silver lining and this situation (although difficult at the time) certainly provided several of them. So, for all of these and more (not mentioned due to their personal nature) we are So Truly Grateful.