Week 16 - Post Christmas

I waited an extra day to weigh in this week, as thought I would encompass Boxing Day as well, seeing as that is usually a pretty full on food day with Bajan food available - I mean which West Indian could pass up fish cakes with hot sauce, or mum's boozy Christmas cake?  Anyway post Christmas weigh in +200gms, so I'm not really even going to worry about it.  We still have loads of treat foods in the house and I will have and enjoy a little every now and then till they are gone, but might ramp up the exercise a little to compensate and mainly keep on track so I can reach my goal of 20kgs by the end of January.  Currently now sitting on 15.8kgs.

Was so nice getting lovely feedback from the extended family on my weight-loss.  Especially those that hadn't seen me since last Christmas. Yay!  Well here's to a much healthier 2012!

Weeks 14 & 15

Week 14 was a slow week and definitely hormonal one -200gms, but that's ok, cause it was still a loss.  Week 15 was a bit better with a loss of -500gms, which I was very pleased with considering the wet weather meant no gardening and my busy days meant no time for a workout either, so it was a complete exercise free week.  I was sure feeling it by the end of the week too.  Never thought I'd miss my exercise - lol!  In addition, I did quite a bit of baking for cricket and then Christmas baking with spiced cookies and of course the Christmas cake and sampled them all quite generously.  We also had an early Christmas get together at mums on Saturday night, as my older sister is spending Christmas in Australia with my brother and so wanted to get together before she left. We had loads of yummy food and whilst my serving size was small, I did have pudding too and 2 glasses of bubbles, so really wasn't expecting much on the scales.  Am now trying to be a bit more  controlled for the rest of this week so I can relax a little on Christmas day.

Total loss is now 16kgs.  I converted that to pounds and it's sounds so much more impressive, as 35 pounds.  That's 35 blocks of butter stacked up OMG!  As I've said before, so many of my clothes have had to go, as they just don't fit me any more, but to my surprise today, a pair of shoes is now too big for me too!  I had to laugh.  Was expecting to have to buy new clothes eventually, but not shoes as well!

Anyway, my new interim goal (taking Christmas into consideration) is to lose another 4kgs by the time the kids start school again, making it a grand total of 20kgs, then I'll set new goals from there till I reach my ultimate goal of 30kgs by my birthday in July.

Kids Cricket

Taryn was selected for North Harbour U15 rep team and over the past 3 weekends, plus yesterday (Monday), she has played her regular cricket on Saturdays (Takapuna U17 Premier Youth Grade), followed by 2 games on a Sunday and 2 games yesterday.  She has loved every minute of it - even through the injuries and the tiredness at the end of each weekend.

I was the team scorer and thoroughly enjoyed that too. It was tiring at times as you have to concentrate the whole time, but I really enjoy scoring and feel a bit weird if I don't know exactly what is going on in the game now!  Quite funny since I never really liked cricket that much prior to her playing, or understood the game that much prior to learning how to score.  Now I am very protective over my score book!

Taryn took some great wickets - an awesome diving catch, a couple of run outs and a beautiful catch behind (wicket keeping).  She also went out in the opening batsmen line up a couple of times and whist she doesn't enjoy being out there 1st, it was a good experience for her.

It's been great seeing her get so into her sports this year, returning to netball, continuing her cricket and doing so well in both.  Long may it continue.

Jayden is also playing in a team this year, after filling in for Taryn's team on several occasions over the past 2 years, he decided to actually play himself.  I think he's the only one in his team that hasn't played before, so it will take time for him to get up there, but glad he is finally back into sports.  He has also taken some bowling wickets, 3 last week and 1 this week.

Might have to change our reward system, which is currently a chocolate bar per wicket.  It's getting costly and also not too good for their health if they keep taking wickets at their current rate!

Week 13

Yay!  Reached my goal of 15kgs by Christmas.  Lost 900gms this week and now sitting at 15.3kgs total.  Am stoked because I had a very hungry week and ate loads more carbs this week - however also did a huge amount of gardening, some of it quite heavy duty, so it probably all balanced itself out.  Now we head into the silly season and I wont kid myself that I will make it all the way through the Christmas holidays without the odd bump, but the aim is to keep it to a minimum - everything in moderation (including moderation itself-lol).

Week 12

Another loss of 600gms this week.  Total now 14.4kgs.  Not sure if it is finally slowing down or if it is related to having a bigger variety of foods and trying different things, but either way, I'd be happy with and ongoing 600gms per week loss.  I'm now just exactly that much away from my 15kgs by Christmas goal, so if I can pull that off this week (3 weeks ahead of schedule), I'll be stoked.  Then I can look at my next interim goal.

One downside of weight loss is the clothing issues.  3-4 months back I finally gave in to my extra weight and bought some much needed clothes. By 8-9kgs down, they no longer fit (in a good way), so I was back to needing some new clothes, but not wanting to go and buy some knowing they would also only fit for a couple of months.  I was however delighted to find that I could fit some clothes in the back of my wardrobe that I hadn't worn for a long time.  This weekend I was trying to find something to wear and found that even some of the clothes I just got back into are now also too big.  Yes it's a good thing really, but darn annoying too, as there is still no sense in really going and buying anything decent until I'm closer to my goal weight, especially when money is already tight.  I will go get a couple of cheap tops to tide me over though, as I seem to have enough pants to carry me through for a while.

Weeks 10 & 11

Week 9 was a pretty poor week, so I did my usual in week 10 and tried to make up for it.  More exercise and better eating - 1.5kgs, so was happy with that.

Week 11 was so-so.  Was trying different foods and also let a few of my old triggers back in - mainly -waiting till I'm so hungry to eat that I eat too much or eat the wrong things.  But as soon as I had done it, I realised and tried to correct myself for the rest of the day. Lost 600gms.

Total now is 13.8, just 1.2 off my goal of 15kgs by Christmas, which is exactly 4 weeks and 2 days away, however so far this week have lost ZIP!  But, I have been having a little bit of this and a little bit of that and it is surprising how quickly it all adds up.  On Wednesday I sat down after dinner and thought back through my day and what I had eaten.  Definitely not that bad considering what I would previously have eaten, but trying one of the blueberry muffins right out of the oven and trying the new rice thins and having a scoop of the ice cream (even thought it was low fat), all on top of my regular meals and snacks, without making allowances or changes was actually about another 1000kjls for the day.  But, I keep reminding myself that even 1 bad day, or a slack week doesn't end the weight loss regime and that overall I am healthier and just need to keep going.

Too many times we have a bad day and think Oh, I've just blown my diet, but in reality, it's just a little bump.  A good way to look at it is this - draw a grid/table 7 columns across with 16 rows down (or roughly how many hours you are awake for each day).  Each column represents a day of the week, each box represents an hour in the day.  For each hour you are on track, or eating what you should be (or not eating - which means you are still on plan), colour the box green. when you go right off the rails and eat outside the plan, colour the box red, then just move on and try to keep on track.  At the end of the week, there may be the odd red box here and there, but overall you will see that most of the time you are on track, so just stick with it.

Week 9

Really not a lot to rave about this week - seriously - 100gms!!!  Yes it's still a loss, but it could have been so much better. I reverted back to some old style actions and thinking this week and it wasn't good.

• One night I was preparing dinner and was hungry, but instead of going to my trusty WW jelly or having some beetroot, I nibbled away on the grated cheese (then had to grate more for the dinner itself).  
• I made chocolate brownie and was determined not to have a slice of it, but licking the spoon, then eating the crumbs from around the edge - almost the same as a slice.  
• Didn't plan well for a late night out and ended up eating just about everything in sight and nothing really on my list of foods I should be eating.
• Served up one of my favourite foods and served myself a pre-diet sized portion.  Was full half way through, but kept eating.
• Gave in to my son's desire for Burger King, which was fine, but had it myself, which I haven't done in 8 weeks previous.  Okay, so I could have had the junior burger and a coke zero and salad later if needed, but automatically ordered (and ate) a meal with chips and a vanilla shake - all small, but still!!!
• Putting away the grocery shopping - nibbled on this and that, mainly broken biscuits, trying the new crackers, strawberries etc and then sat down for lunch, when I had in fact probably just had enough for a meal!

So one of those things in itself would not have been too bad - but all of them - in one week - not so good.  Other than the timing (I see I struggled around this time last month), I have no reason as to why I was just so off track this week.  I know I'll have days like that on this journey, but wasn't expecting an entire week of it.  So, to start off this week, I just reminded myself why I am doing this:

• Improve my overall health - especially lower my cholesterol (and this was reinforced when dad had his heart attack a couple weeks after I started to lose weight)
• Improve my fitness - I'd love to get back into some kind of sports, or even just be able to run around with the kids again, without getting totally out of breath, red in the face and dripping with sweat after 5 minutes.
• Look better - I'm sick of the baggy hide my belly & butt clothes and long to get back into firstly; clothes I bought around my 40th when I was 20kgs lighter, then secondly; a size or two smaller again.  I'm not aiming to be a size 10 or anything, just reach a comfortable, healthy weight that I can easily maintain.
• Wear a swimsuit and go swimming!  Currently, I wont go to the pools or to the beach in summer.  It's too damn hot and I wont wear a swimsuit or go swimming, so no point going to just sit there and sweat and I miss it and so do the kids, as they keep asking me to go with them.
• Photographs - I am always behind the camera and that is in part because I'm the one with the camera, but also a huge part of it is that I hate my photo being taken as I hate seeing photographs of me at this size.  Problem is though, I'm scrapbooking my family's story and I'm not represented in the photos!  
• Happiness - plain and simple, I am a happier person when I am smaller.  I'm more lively,more easy going, do more and am just plain happier with myself and my life - just ask my husband - he knows.

So, I'm back to looking at where I want to be and the goals I originally set:

1. 7kgs by October Scrapbook Retreat - Achieved - yay!
2. 15kgs by Christmas - 11.7 gone already, so 3.3 to go in 7 weeks and as long as I get back on track, I'm confidant that I can do it.  Then the final goal was:
3. 30 kgs by my next birthday (July).  It's 35 weeks away, so that makes it 18.3kgs in 35 weeks, which should be achievable, but I'll focus on the Christmas goal first, then perhaps set an interim goal in between to break it down a bit.  Sometimes we set our goals too far out and they seem too huge to reach, so we give up, so interim goals are the way to go I believe.

Well that's it for this week - a loss, even though small, but one which could have been better, but onwards and upwards right?  Here's to a better week.

Weeks 7 & 8

Week 7 after ScrapCamp wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting.  100gm loss, so given that I had eaten bacon, eggs, hash browns, chocolate crunch, brownie and ice cream (although in smaller quantities/portions than I would normally have done) I was quite happy with the end result.

Week 8 I decided that I again needed to get back to basics and went super stringent.  Lost 2.3kgs, so total now 11.6kgs.

When I started, I also wanted to keep track of measurements, so I could see how much I was losing in cms as well as kilos.  I measured upper arms, thighs, calves, chest, waist and hips - 9 measurements in total.  To date, I have lost 60cms from the 9 measured places. 10cms of that from my waist alone - yay.

Changes in these two weeks:

• Living - I decided that even when dieting, we still need to be able to live and slot into whatever else is going on around us, not always being so strict, so I relaxed at camp, but ensured portions were smaller and then just made up for it the following week.
• Everything in moderation - when I've wanted ice cream, I've had a small scoop of low fat ice cream and when I've felt like chocolate, I've had a couple of squares, rather than a couple of blocks or bars!  It's all a matter of balance.

Week 6

This week I wanted to make up for the small gain last week and also get a little ahead so that the end of this week at Scrapcamp hopefully wont have such a huge impact on my overall loss or target of 15kgs by Christmas.  So, I really went back to basics and managed a loss of 2.1kgs.  Total now 9.2kgs.

Changes this week:

• Distraction - the first thing I do when I start to feel a little hungry in between meals is have a glass of water and find a distraction - might be hanging out a load of washing or checking my emails, or something else that will distract me for a few minutes.  Most of the time, I have found that by doing this, the hunger spell passes and before I know it, another hour or two have has passed and it's then time for my next meal anyway.  This has hugely reduced snacking in between meals.
• Compensation - I've talked previously about the fact that if you eat more calories than your body can use in a day you gain weight, so put simply, if you use more than you eat, you've got to lose weight (not always completely true every week, but that's the general idea).  So, when I have felt like a small square of chocolate or a small serving of ice-cream, I've had it and then compensated with a short walk, or an additional work out.  Just 10 minutes can burn enough to have a scoop of low fat ice-cream.
• Not beating myself up - Weight fluctuates for many reasons during the month, including the little slip ups, which sometime don't show till the following week, so I have decided no more beating myself up.  My weight loss will be what it will be.  good some weeks, slow others and probably quite a few small gains along the way and that is all fine.  You've still got to live and you can't let it rule your life, so I'm learning to relax about it.  Having said that, I'll need to be super relaxed about next weeks weigh in right after ScrapCamp, with bacon, eggs and hash-browns for breakfast!  But hey, it's only every 12 weeks I get to do that, so I'll take the little side road, enjoy it, then get back on the main road and continue on my journey.

Dad's heart

Following his recent heart attack, Dad finally got an angiogram and had a stent inserted into one of his arteries.  Tests that followed showed another blockage and so he was due to have another stent inserted today, but it has now been put off until tomorrow.  Hopefully, once that has been done, he will be home in a few days and can start the recovery process.  I'm so grateful he didn't end up needing bypass surgery, as that is so invasive and has such a long recovery period.

Dad said one of the things that surprised him is that he didn't actually have any pain, just a tightness of the chest and so when you see these people on TV clutching at their chest - it doesn't always happen like that.  In fact the other 3 men in his hospital room also had no real pain.

Makes me kind of glad I have started to lost this weight and reduce my cholesterol  now.  I had previously done a heart health age test on line and found that mine was 10 years older than I actually was, which was kind of scary.  With the weight I have lost and the reduction in my cholesterol, I am happy to say, it is now 3 years younger than I am.  I plan to keep it that way.

Week 5

A little glitch in the weight loss.  Gained 300gms.  The week (Mon-Fri) went ok (I think) and I was pretty good, even when we went down to Pirongia markets on the Saturday.  When I got home Saturday night Mike broke the news that Dad had suffered a heart attack and was in hospital.  I was leaving for kids camp the next day.  I started to choose my meal options a little poorly.  We headed off to camp the next day and I felt it was just much easier to eat what the kids were eating, than try to plan different meals for myself.  Nothing too bad mind you, but certainly not what I had been doing up till that point.  Now, I normally weigh on a Monday, but as I was at kids camp, it had to wait till I got home, at which point, I weighed 300gms more than the previous weigh in the Monday prior.  Ok, so it's not a biggie and I am now back on track and expect a better result this Monday.  The following Monday however might be a different story again, as I head off to Scrapbook Retreat next week, with bacon, eggs and hash-browns for breakfast!!!  I'm being realistic though and allowing myself to just live a little and eat the same as others when away, maybe just smaller portions and healthy snacks in between.  It's all about balance right?

As for dad, we are still playing the waiting game.  He needs an angiogram to see how bad the damage is and assess whether he will need to have a stent or two inserted, or require bypass surgery. The angio has been postponed several times already.  So, we wait!

Week 4

This week was a bit of a struggle at the start.  Fro whatever reason, I had a very 'hungry' week and ate more carbs than I had eaten the past 3 weeks.  So it wasn't really surprising when I decided to check 1/2 way through the week that I had actually put on weight.  I was disappointed that decided I needed to be super good and on track for the balance of the week.  So, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun were all back on track and then I was pleasantly surprised this morning to weigh in another 1.2kgs lighter.  So the weekly amount is slowly coming down each week, but that's OK.  I have reached my first goal of 7kgs (actually lost 7.4 so far) by Scrapbook Retreat (which isn't for another 17 days yet) and will now be working on my next goal, which was to try and reach 15kgs lost before Christmas.

Changes this week - I have to admit to none.  I had a hard week, but hopefully back on track now and so will try and introduce a couple more changes this week.

Week 3

Another week down and this week was surprised to still see the loss over the 1kg mark, but happy just the same.  1.7kgs this week, making the total so far 6.2kgs over the 3 weeks.  I wouldn't say it has been super easy, but also haven't found it as hard as I usually do, so I'm hoping that continues.

My first goal was to lose 7kgs by Scrapbook Retreat (October 20) and I'm pretty confidant that I'll be able to tick that goal off as achieved!  Yay!  My next goal was to have lost a total of 15kgs by Christmas, which is 9 weeks after Scrapbook Retreat.  I am however unsure how long these higher losses will last, so what I think I might do is just wait and see where I am by October 20 and go from there.

Managed 1 walk last week - up to the mall and back.  Some of those muscles were sore by the time I got home. Have also been back gardening and done more workouts with Mel B on the PS3, so getting in plenty of exercise.

Changes for this week:

• Eating more slowly - enjoying every mouthful and I find in doing this, I really enjoy my food, but also feel fuller quicker, so actually end up eating less.  Which also brings me to the next change: - 
• Actually stopping eating once I start to feel full!  
• Introduced diet cordial to assist with my fluid intake.  Yes I know it's not as good as plain old water, but that's how I'm managing.  Normally I find any diet cordial tastes like a diet cordial, but my Mum introduced me to Bickfords Lime (diet version) and it is super yum.  Have used it as just a plain drink with water and also mixed a dash with diet lemonade, soda and bitters to make a refreshing lemon,lime and bitters drink (had to use part lemonade, part soda as was just too sweet otherwise) and feels like I'm having an RTD without all the added calories.

This current week so far however I have had a few hungry days with the colder weather and have had more carbs than any of the past 3 weeks, so will be interesting to see what the scales say on Monday.  As long as they are moving in the right direction, I don't mind.

Getting Ahead?

It surprised me a while back when someone commented about me basically being a stay at home mum and asked me "don't you want to get ahead?"
"Ahead of what?" I asked, "the Jones'?"
'No" they replied, "but you know, pay your mortgage off sooner, update that old car, get some new clothes, maybe even go on a holiday"  I was a little taken aback, but my reply:  I'd love to be mortgage free sooner and to have a newer car and it would be nice to be able to afford more new things, but those things aren't as important to me as being home to send my kids off to school in the morning, being home when they get home, going to their sports (practice and games), going on school trips and camp with them, being home for them during the holidays or when they are sick, being able to be so very involved in their schools and basically just enjoying a more simple lifestyle.

So, I stay at home and do part time work when I can and loads of charity work and yes income is up and down and sometimes we struggle and we have played 'how low can you go' with the food in our pantry/fridge more than once in the past year, but I can tell you (from working in a high paying corporate role for 18 months once Taryn was 11 months old), that money isn't everything.  I missed so many of her 'firsts' it nearly broke my heart.  I know that sometimes families have no other option and we've come close to having to find additional work ourselves and if it came down to me having to get a full time job, then that's what we would do, but whilst we can continue to manage and reap the benefits for our children we will.

I know that pretty soon, they will be off to University, or even off on their OE's and even sooner than that, they might not want to be spending that much time with us - or want me on their school trips and when that time comes, I will not look back with regret on all the time I didn't or couldn't spend with them simply because I wanted to 'get ahead'.  Instead I will savour those memories and be thankful that I made the financial sacrifices to have the lifestyle we enjoy so much right now.

Time for getting ahead will come for us soon enough and if that is currently your main goal in life, then I'm happy you are achieving your goals, but please don't judge me because my goals are different to yours.

Week 2

Another good week.  Happy to report another 1.9kgs are gone, making it 4.5kgs in my first 2 weeks.  This has made my BMI (Body Mass Index) drop by 1.6, which I am super pleased about. Wouldn't it be fantastic if it could be like that all the time, but I am being realistic and know that it will slow down very soon.

Last week saw the introduction of some daily exercises - namely stomach crunches and other abdominal exercises, for a just a few minutes each morning.  I'm sure somewhere deep in there lies muscles, so I am slowly trying to encourage them to work again and perhaps show themselves at some later stage - lol!

Had planned to get out walking, but the weather wasn't playing ball and having just gotten over 6 weeks of being so sick, wasn't gain to risk getting another dose -even if it was in the name of weight loss. This week however, I have added a bit more exercise.  Have started with a 20 minute workout each day (whilst still maintaining the earlier exercises introduced last week) - thanks to a super Trademe purchase 'Get fit with Mel B' for PS3.  RRP $109 - someone selling their unwanted gift copy -brand new in sealed box with resistance band -$29-yay!!!. Have also started parking as far away from the entrance as I can when I go to the shops.  The weather is also finally clearing, so hope to soon add in those walks 2-3 times a week.

Still struggling a bit with the water, but considering I was drinking hardly any at all and loads of coke zero, I am happy with getting through at least 1ltr per day and am down to usually just one Coke Zero each morning (my pick me up seeing as I don't do tea or coffee).

Changes for this week:

• Planning ahead - some of my worst choices (food wise) are made when I am hungry and short on time, or something I have on, means coming home later than usual.  I'm learning to plan ahead more and be prepared, with a quick meal ready to reheat, or a slimmers shake/meal replacement just 2 mins away.
• Checking labels - I've started checking labels and made some product changes to better suit weight loss. Not all products are created equally - especially the 'lite' or 'diet' ones.  I'm finding it pays to know all you can so you can make the best choice possible.

Have also seen a few more people this week who are also losing weight and this gives me even more inspiration.

A simple calculation

Of course I know losing weight is not really just a simple calculation and away you go.  If it was, I wouldn't have struggled with my weight for so many years.  However, at the root of it all is really the simple fact that for the better part, if you eat more than your body can burn in a day, you gain weight.

I used an on-line calculator, where you pop in your gender, age, height, current weight and activity level and it tells you how many calories you need to consume to maintain your current weight.  I have maintained the same weight for the better part of a year (within 1-2 kgs), so in theory then all I needed to do is eat less calories and I will lose weight, or exercise more and I will lose weight, or (as I am currently doing) a combination of the 2.  That's what I started a little over a week ago and it is certainly working.

I am however a real foodie at heart, so I know there are going to be hurdles along the way and little blips on the journey.  In addition, there are a multitude of little things I am changing in order for me to eat less each day (and remain satisfied) so it's not all easy-peasy, but when I put it into simple terms like the above, I know that with even the smallest of changes in either direction, weight will start to come off.  Keeping it real simple!

One of my best tips so far - my fridge always has Weight Watchers jelly in it.  It's virtually a 'free' food and so when I feel peckish or feel like something sweet, it's a guilt free indulgence.

Week 1

Gotta love week 1 results - they are always the best.  So, weighed in this morning and am down 2.6kgs - yay!  I'm quite pleased with the result, seeing as I am taking this slowly and just making small changes each week.  This week I have eaten a lot more vegetables - mainly in the form of salads.  Had my first real serving of carbs last night in a sandwich and I must admit after not eating many carbs for the week, did feel a little full and heavy last night after dinner, but hey, it's all a learning curve - right.

So, my changes for this week will focus on doing more exercise:

• Aiming to add in 2 x 30 minute walks this week (weather permitting), increasing slowly until I am back up to my previous (a few years back) of 2 x 1.5hr walks per week.
• Going to start some strengthening exercises - 10 of each different exercise daily, increasing by 5 each week until we get to 50!.

Water drinking is still going slowly.  At about 1.5ltrs per day, so also still aiming to increase that this week.  Will check in again next Monday and give you and update.

First Goal

Having started on the road to better eating and more exercise yesterday, I decided to put a goal in place.  I have always believed (based on my many previous attempts at weight loss - some very successful, just not maintained) , that on average 500gms - 1kilo per week is a healthy weight loss for me, usually with a slightly higher loss the first week.  So that in mind, I checked the calendar and saw it was 6.5 weeks till October Scrapbook Retreat and set my goal at losing 7kgs by then.

My first two small changes:

• More water - Aim to reach about 2ltrs per day, currently managing just over 1.
• Removed all the junk type food I would normally go for and stocked up on fruit and veges.  When I was hungry before lunch, I had a small mini salad.  Still felt like a biscuit, but my mindset has shifted and I didn't resent not having one (or 5!).

More small changes next week and I'll be weighing in on Mondays, so I'll post how much I managed to loose in week 1 (hoping for 2kgs).

Enough is enough!

In January of the year I was turning 40, I decided I didn't want to be hugely overweight for my 40th birthday, so I set about to lose some weight.  My birthday is in July and so I had 6 months to try and get a few kilos off.  I actually managed to lose 17-18kgs.  I felt great, even though I still could have lost another 15 kilos to reach my ultimate goal. I had a great 40th party and was enjoying all my new clothes.
 
I don't really know when it all started creeping back on, perhaps slowly at first so that I didn't notice, but eventually it was all back on!  More recently, I have certainly been noticing it.  Whilst I have been my current weight for more than a year now, many of my friends have recently started losing weight and somehow I feel even bigger.

The biggest shock to me, was how hard I went down when I recently got the flu/asthma/sinus & chest infection  and how I am still struggling to shake the dregs of it. I am positive that had I not put the weight back on and perhaps remained a bit fitter, I'd have coped much better.  Despite all of this though and despite wanting to be slimmer, I've just, for whatever reason, not had any motivation to get started.

This past weekend I held a Scrapbook retreat and was reading a magazine about a scrapbooker who was always behind the camera and realised she was capturing her family memories all without being in them - primarily because she didn't like having her photo taken and I thought - that's me too, because I don't like how I look in photos.  Not only that, there are things I don't do because of my weight - swimming at the beach - or anywhere for that matter.  Not only I am missing out on these things, but I am missing out on sharing them with my family!  OK I though - Enough is enough!

So, with some combined inspiration from friends, a magazine story and the desire to get fitter, get smaller and start enjoying life a bit more, I'm starting my healthier lifestyle TODAY!

My plan - to eat better (of course), but also I want to change some of my ways (habits), so every week, I'm going to introduce 1 or 2 small changes and see if I can maintain them long enough for them to be the new (healthier) habits.  I'll keep you posted!

And life goes on..

Been quite a while since I posted.  There has just been so much happening and so many of the events I just couldn't get my head around blogging what I actually wanted to say.  Some of the events I have had difficulty with lately:

• An old work friend passed away. Younger than me.  Finally losing her battle with cancer.  I'd only just got back in touch and been to visit.  I cried all the way home after that visit and never got back up to see her again!
• Wendy moved back to Hamilton.  I was super happy for her and what the new job meant, but super sad she was going.  Although I knew she was just a bit further away, I started to realise how many things would change as a result.  I'm still processing some of those changes.
• Jayden saw a new paediatrician and was diagnosed with some additional syndromes/conditions, which will help us in the long run, but was a bit to take in at first.  He is now under Marinoto and so things are finally progressing in the right direction.
• Damage to the house from the ceiling/walls flooding after a tradesman error - it was all only just finalised and sorted last week, with the repairs now to be undertaken and our excess and no claims bonus from the insurance still to be sorted out.
• Been sick for the better part of 3 weeks, with a sick little boy home for an entire week and still not 100%.  Woke up feeling like round number 2 is on it's way and both kids sounded terrible this morning, so who knows what this week will bring.
• Gypsy is moving to Perth!  Saw her one last time today (until who knows when) and it was so much harder than I thought.  The indefinite move overseas hadn't really sunk in till she got here to say goodbye and as she drove away, I lost it. Tried to speak to Wendy 3 hours later and started losing it again.  

All been floating around in my head with no clarity for getting all the feelings out and so I resisted blogging, but I have made an effort to journal the feelings so they are released and I can get back to blogging.  After all, no matter what we face ...life goes on!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

In helping out a friend, I recently had the pleasure of taking a very bright 3 year old to Kindy.  Upon arrival, I asked him to show me what we needed to do.  First was to find his name and phone number on the board, I then asked him what came next and he led me to the sign in table.  What next I asked?  He showed me where the lunch boxes were stored and so as we headed towards the row of hooks I stupidly asked - where do you hang up your bag, to which he replied - You know, I said I didn't (cause I really wasn't sure if he had his own special hook or anything). He sighed, looked up at me and said "Oh Carolann, use your eyes!"  Well hey, why didn't I think of that?

Despite my obvious lack of brain power earlier in the morning, I remembered how to get back to the Kindy to pick him up and we had a great afternoon! Thanks Buddy!

Crochet Flowers

I wanted to learn how to make crochet flowers.  I started with YouTube and whilst it got me started, my first two attempts were hilarious.  The first one looks nothing like a flower - in fact, it's square in shape.  The second one had more of a flower shape, but some pretty strange petals.  I thought about my grandmother, who was fantastic at crochet when she was alive and wished I had developed an interest 15-20 years ago when she perhaps could have shown me the art.  I still have some of her pieces in my linen cupboard and one in the studio (that I use to make impressions onto clay).  Anyway, I persevered on my own.  The third one wasn't too bad for a beginner and the 4th one even had a second layer of petals.  After that, I had my lovely friend (and design team member) Glenna show me how she makes hers (after she stopped laughing at my first two flowers).  Although she uses wool and a larger hook, the principle is the same and so after a couple of fairly OK flowers, I got the hang of it.  As you will see below, I'm well into the swing of it now and have made over 40 of them, hoping to have a good little stock of them to sell at Craft Out West in July.

 Once I had been making those for a few days, it was time to try something else.  First was the heart, but I haven't quite got the top middle of the heart right yet, so might have to practice a bit more on that.

 Then came the rose - which is relatively easy.  Just like making a large open flower, then rolling it up. Then onto leaves.  I haven't quite got the shape right yet, so might have to look for some sort of pattern, but loving the possibilities and ability to experiment to create new things.  No doubt one of my upcoming scrapbook layouts will feature some crochet embellishments.

My aunt Pat recently told me she has some of my grandmother's old crochet hooks.  I think I might see if I can borrow one of the hooks and try some real fine work.  How awesome will that be to be crocheting with the same hook my grandmother used to use years ago?  

Wet, wet, wet

We recently had a heat pump installed.  The team were very professional and did a great job of the insulation, but... in the process of installing the wiring, they move a roof tile and forgot to replace it.  We then had 2 days of full on rain and our roof cavity and walls filled up with water, which then flowed down through the walls, out onto the chipboard floor, soaking the carpet.  The wallpaper also started peeling off the walls.  We had to have a commercial blower under the carpet with a commercial dehumidifier going in the lounge.  These were both exceptionally noisey and sucked up the power too.   We are still in the process of dealing with the insurance company over the necessary repairs.  Here are the photos to date.

Birthday Boy

On the morning of Jayden's birthday, we got him up early so he could get ready for school and still have enough time to open his presents.

 I'm still not quite sure why, but he's wanted one of these High Vis jackets for ages and we finally found one small enough for him!

 Then off to school he went, but we had one more present waiting for him when he got home!

 His own iPod shuffle.  He was stoked.  Then it was off to the chemist to get his ear pierced.  He asked me when he was 9 and I told him to wait till he was 10, then if he still really wanted it we would get it done.  I thought he might forget or change his mind, but it wasn't to be and I kept my promise and off we went.  When asked which one he said "The left one or I'll be gay!"

So the left it was.  A simple silver stud with a clear crystal in the middle.

 My children don't get to have their first Coke till they are 10 and Jayden had long waited for this.

 I was kind of hoping that he might not like it...but the smile told the story.  He just had a small amount and saved the rest for another day, but he also knows that it's only going to be an occasional drink, not something he will be able to have too regularly.

Hope you had an awesome day Jayden!

Some Blurry Birthday Photos

My camera is on the blink and so I borrowed Jayden's to take some birthday snaps.  They all came out blurry, so I was beginning to think maybe it was just me, but later learned the camera was set on 'snow' conditions?  Anyway, not sure I can scrapbook these, but here are some shots from the Sunday 'Cake with Family' event the day before his birthday.

Jayden Turns 10

Still can't believe my 'baby' is 10.  They grow up all too quick for my liking (some days).  Anyway, being the boy that he is, he asked for 'no party' and 'no friends over', just family around for some cake, so that is what we did.

I let him choose his own cake, which he originally chose as a treasure chest, but I wasn't organised enough and couldn't get the 'treasure' items he wanted, or find any of the chocolate fondant I've used previously, so he happily went with his second choice of a porcupine - yay, so simple!  Here is the end result:

I simply made a double batch of vanilla cake and loaded it up into one high edged round pan, then cooked it a little higher than usual, so it rose high in the middle (and split a little too which was expected), which provided me with the basic shape of the body.  I only had to trim a little from each side and end, which I then used to create the nose end.  Jayden loved it and everyone enjoyed the chocolate fingers.  Now I have to admit, that I was going to use flakes and cut them in half, then each half into four pieces lengthwise (a heck of a job), when Michael asked if I was going to use chocolate finger biscuits!  Hmm, I hadn't thought of that and it seemed so much easier, so that' what I did!

A Day With Vienna

A couple of weekends ago, I had the pleasure of having little Miss Vienna for the day, as Ashley and Wendy went to Hamilton to take a load of boxes and check out some real estate.  We had a fun day.  Unfortunately, my camera has been playing up and I often get super blurry photos and some of these aren't the best, but hopefully I can sharpen some enough to scrapbook them.  The first is my favourite from the day.  We had so much fun do the shopping.  I'd forgotten what it was like to shop with a toddler.  Thanks for an awesome day Vienna.

These were a little tastier!!!

Once I got home from ScrapCamp and had sorted the majority of my 'stuff' and was feeling in a better mood all round, it was time for some baking.  Just plain little cupcakes, with some yummo frosting and a few sprinkles.  No real effort, but they looked great and were eaten and enjoyed by all within 3 days.

 The one in the foreground in the photo above looked really cool, as I had just finished the vanilla frosting and just added the chocolate to same the piping bag, so the swirls came out with white edges and it looked super effective!

A little Overdone???

The commercial toaster, up at the camp I use for Scrapbook Retreats, takes a little while to warm up.  I have learnt though that you still shouldn't walk away from it, because should you go into the next room and get caught up in a very interesting conversation with the lovely Tania, then the quick thinking Wendy will have to rescue you - opening all the doors to let out the smoke!!!!

Mike always says my toast is really just 'Warm Bread' - not this time, it was well and truly cooked!

Difficult Times

There have been a few of them lately and yes there are people out there having a way more difficult time than me, but it just seemed that everything came at once.  Why does it always seem to be a feast or a famine.  There's been nothing in itself that is earth shattering, but a culmination of injuries, ails, poor finances, ADHD educational issues, red tape, sibling rivalry, relationship issues and a whole lot of personal stuff better kept to myself.

Hence I haven't blogged much lately, because where do you start and who would want to be reading it anyway.

You know what though, I decided I had to share some of it, just to get it out of my head if nothing else.  I spoke at length to my aunt and my cousin on a couple of issues, to my mum on some as well (although mums always worry the most, so I was trying not to increase her worry load), to friends on others and to my lovely sister Jo (bless those poor ears at times) and whilst a problem shared may not be a problem halved, I think it does feel like less of a burden.  For the better part, I have been able to take a step back, look at the bigger picture, realise I'm not the only one with my kind of issues and actually pull my head out of the sand on other issues and take some action, speak up for what I want, what I need, what I wont put up with anymore and just plain tackle some issues head on.

Things are already a whole lot better.  It can be scary facing difficult issues, nerve wracking talking to others about soul baring issues and even embarrassing to admit you might be failing in some area of you life, but nothing gets resolved without action.  So if you find yourself in a similar situation - reach out.  I guarantee it's worth it.

Rediscovering the wardrobe!

As most readers of this blog would know, I have been battling clutter in my home for some time now.  It's probably currently at it's 'best ever' right now (other than when we first moved in), with the main part of the house (upstairs), rumpus, office, spare room and studio all relatively clear, which doesn't usually happen all at the same time.

Never the less, I had cause to completely empty out my wardrobe (as it holds the only hatch to the ceiling and we were having new and totally free insulation installed- yay).  So, out came everything, then we lifted down the shelf and the metal rod.  The installation was completed and I thought it was an opportune time to go through everything before it went back in.  We ripped out the carpet (one of 2 places it had remained in the house) and vacuumed and cleaned it out.  Then, piece by piece, I went through the shoes, handbags, and various other items that were in there, sorting and discarding as I went - including my wedding shoes.  I'll never wear them again, but had hung onto them - out they went!!!

Then it came to the clothes!  I was brutal!  I had a heap I hadn't worn (mostly cause I couldn't fit into them) at the back, squashed up against the wall.  I started with those and looked through each piece really hard, trying on every item.  The process - do I still like this, does it fit, if not, will it fit soon if I continue to loose weight (as opposed to it fitting in a year or so, seeing as I have only managed 3.5 kilos in 3 months so far).  There were some clothes that I tried on that were clearly only a few kilos away from being a good fit, so it has given me some new motivation to try and get back on track after Scrapbook Retreat next week.

I now have much more space in the wardrobe and about 15 spare hangers!  I'm going to encourage Mike to do the same with his clothes before he puts them back and then I might do the kids wardrobes as well.

And he came home totally exhausted

Jayden came home from camp completely wiped out.  He didn't even really have the energy to tell us about it.  We drove into our driveway at 2.45 on Friday.  He carried his bags inside, walked to his bedroom and climbed straight into bed.  He was out in less than 2 minutes.  Woke up at 6pm and was a box of birds, over the top excited telling us about camp, how good it was, what he'd done, how he couldn't wait to go back there etc, etc.

Of course I had checked on how it went with the DP at school and it wasn't completely incident free, but he was pretty good during 9-3 while his normal school time meds were working. Hope the evening wasn't too much of a shock for them.  We know what it is like when the meds wear off, so we are used to it and have our own way of managing behaviour that we have fine tuned now.

Anyway, overall seems to have been a super positive experience for Jayden.  He was happy about what he had achieved whilst at camp and seemed to have had fun with at least a couple of his room mates, which was one of my worries when he left.

Hats off to the school, teachers and parent helpers who managed the camp and provided such a valuable experience for my wee boy.

Jayden heads to school camp

I thought it was supposed to get easier with the 2nd child, but I found sending Jayden off to school camp a lot harder than Taryn.  I struggled with the decision of whether to go as a parent helper or not (I went on both of Taryn's camps), but decided it would be good for him to go alone as I felt he would probably cling a little if I was there and rely on me for things he needs to learn to do and cope with on his own.
     So as I battled with what would be better for him, yet not wanting it to appear as though 1 child was being treated differently than the other, I also struggled wandering if he would be OK, what would his behaviour be like, how would he cope in the evenings when he really needs quite wind down time, how would parents that don't know about his ADHD cope with any outbursts, if he got wound up, could one of them calm him down, would he get one of his awful juvenile migraines while away and a whole host of other things.  I've always kept him close, so this is all new territory for me.
     We talked a lot about behaviour, about staying calm, about keeping voices down, about quiet time, ensuring he gets to sleep early and generally just being well behaved and nice to other people.  We packed his gear and armed with the higher end dosage of his meds, have sent him off for 3 days at camp.
     I'm confident of the ability of the teachers and parent helpers that I know who are at camp to take care of him, but I still can't help the worry creeping in just a little about how he will be.  So, I am sitting here trying to  trust my decision was the right one for him.  I guess we'll know soon enough!
    

Cheese & Chilli Mini Loaves

I am so loving the mini loaf pan mum bought me a while back and seem to be using it so much lately.  This weekend I had a hankering for some cheese and chilli bread (a bread I used to be able to buy from a specialist bakery in town when I was working there).  So, I thought hey just make some and I did and it was yum.  The mini loaves were just the right size for a serving too and when I went back later in the afternoon for a snack, I cut one length ways into 3 and it made 3 cute rectangular pieces of mini toast -that were darn hard to get back out of the toaster, but super yummy toasted with a little spread of butter (yeah the real stuff).  Mike wants them again - maybe in a proper sized pan???  Recipe below.

Place 300mls of warm water in a bowl with 1 tblspn of sugar and stir to dissolve sugar.  Sprinkle over 2 tspns of yeast (I use Edmonds Surebake with the bread improvers in it.  Designed for bread makers, but works just as well in handmade bread I find).  Allow to sit and foam a little for about 5 minutes.  Then add:

3 cups flour

1tspn salt

2tblspns milk powder

1 tblspn oil

And bring together with a knife or spoon, then knead until fairly smooth. Pop into a greased bowl and cover with a piece of greased glad wrap and place in a warm place to double in size (about 20 minutes).  

Then you can either:

a) roll out and sprinkle over 1 cup of grated cheese and a sprinkling of chilli flakes (to your desired heat factor), then roll up, cut into 8, seal each end of the cut pieces together and pop into a greased mini pan, or;

b) add 1 cup grated cheese and a sprinkling of chilli seeds into the bowl and knead them together, then shape into desired shape, or divide for greased  pans and then (with both methods);

Cover with greased glad wrap again and set aside again in a warm place to double in size, while you preheat the oven to 180 oC.  Bake for around 20 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.

Remove from pan quite quickly so as to avoid a moisture build up around the crust.

Enjoy!

Valentine's Day Cookies

At the Friday night crop before Valentine's day, Miss Wendy arrived with these super gorgeous and yummy cookies.  She was bagging a whole heap to give out (some poor peeps might have missed out cause they weren't at Friday night Crop), but we certainly enjoyed ours.  Thanks Miss Wendy and Vienna.

De-cluttering the office - Again!

So, in my huge efforts to de-clutter the rest of the house, all the little bits and pieces that had no home, or that I needed to sort; give away; get on trademe; throw out etc, all ended up in the office (as they always do).  So for the past few months, I have tended not to go into the office as 1) you had to try and step over everything to get to anything else, 2) You couldn't really find anything anyway and 3) it was just all too overwhelming.

Then, one day I needed to get in there and do some work on the computer that I couldn't do on my laptop.  After going in and out twice, I had had enough.  I stopped the computer work and started to sort through some of the stuff.  It's only half way there and even some of the sorted stuff will be moving on to new homes soon, but certainly made a huge difference already and I don't mind going into the office any more.

I'll post more pics once I have done the final clean out.

Banana & Honey Bread Mini Loafs

With the heat at the end of January/beginning of February, fruit was just not lasting - especially the banana's, so when I spotted a recipe for banana & honey bread, I thought I'd give it a go.  It called for it to be baked in large loaf pans, but I decided to make mini loaves in the 8 slot mini loaf pan my mum bought me I while back (I use it for so many different things - just love it).  They were super yum, but can't locate the recipe again (I think it might have been from a magazine I threw out!).  If I find it, I'll post the recipe on here.

Yay, found the recipe, so here it is:

75g butter

1/3 cup each: sugar, honey

2 eggs room temperature

1 cup mashed ripe bananas (2 large)

1 1/4 cups flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

pinch salt

1/2 cup walnut pieces

Preheat oven to 180 

Spray 2 mini loaf pans generously with oil

Cream butter and sugar and honey till light and fluffy

Add the eggs one by one, beating well after each addition

Stir in mashed bananas

Sift flour, baking soda and salt.  Fold gently into the butter and banana mix to combine.  Lastly fold in the walnuts

Spoon the mixture evenly into the tins and bake 18-20 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre of loaves comes out clean.

Jayden's Puzzles

Jayden loves puzzles (and is very good at them).  He usually gets out a 1000 piece puzzle and finishes it within 2 weeks.  He had completed all the ones we had and was starting on a second round of them, but not finding the challenging enough.  His aunty Michelle bought him this one for Christmas.  He loved it and found it really hard, as there was so much of the same colour.  However, he persevered for 5 weeks and finally completed it, feeling very proud of his achievement.  

Big Girl's Room

We decided to get Taryn a new posturepaedic mattress - only, they didn't make them in 190cm lengths any more, only 200cm, which was too long for her bed. This meant a whole new bed.   I had also said many years ago that when she became a teenager, we would get her a double bed to spread out in, so this was the perfect opportunity to do both.

We stripped her room out.  Man did she have a lot of stuff in there.  This is what my lounge looked like for a couple of hours during the changeover.

Then I made her check through everything before it was allowed back into the room and she actually got rid of a lot of stuff.  Here's her room when we'd finished.

All I have to do now is finish painting her bookcase (and perhaps shorten or replace the curtains) and it will be done.